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Wednesday, September 15, 1999 Bitch at Lum


Little in the way of updates the past couple of days (well, none really, if you want to be technical about it). I've heard some rumors fly past on housing changes that involve purging the hordes of items within them  that you little pinheads seem hellbent on keeping.  The guy who does UORobot put up a webcam of his robot running; he was then promptly busted for macroing. This may of course be just a coincidence. UORobot always struck me as a bit too mad scientist for me. I do like to still maintain the illusion that I actually have something to do with how my character behaves in UO.

Speaking of which, in the whether or not Lum is allowed to play UO yet department, I logged on yesterday and everything was fine until a gargoyle showed up. Apparently the thought of actual combat taking place scared my poor little client, so it immediately Connection Losted, whereupon I immediately Died. This did not enhance my overall UO experience. So it's time for another 80's moment (and stop bitching about Vanilla Ice, I don't care if his hit was in 1990, he's still 80's to me. What I want to know is why the hell you people know when Ice Ice Baby came out. I don't.)


Frankie Say Fix Ultima Online Now.

I know this will come as a shock to everyone but I'm told some of the members of Frankie were gay. Not only that, "Relax" wasn't about laser beams. The band eventually broke up and the lead singer contracted AIDS, which probably means they were a bit too relaxed.

Monday, September 13, 1999 Bitch at Lum


Really, I swear to GOD I'm not making this up... Dr TwisTer writes:

Several players have begun to ask me if I was interested in selling DTN Merchandise.

So I thought it, and decided to see what type of response I would get.

I have no doubts this is going to open up some fun topics of conversation on other sites (ya think? - Lum), but heck, just polling the idea for now.

Below are three different logos that we could use for hats and shirts. I can release several versions with several colors, but wanted to get an idea of what you may want to see first. Going to make this real simple to begin with. Prices will be determined upon how many interested people there are. A price should average around $10-$15.00

Look at the designs, then vote on the poll below.

NOTE: These are PARODIES. You CANNOT order these designs. Jesus, sometimes I think you people ride the short bus to school every morning. Check here for the real designs.


Thunderlips, the Ultimate eBay Seller, sends this:

I loved that armor I found :) While in the town of Skara Brea playing my Bard songs, the citizens would walk up to  me and say "Greetings Avatar, Thy plate armor makes ye look most Manly!". It even instantly promoted my title from "Arch-Druid" to "The Glorious Lord Thunderlips, Grandmaster of Manliness". Man I love that armor. I was however a big target for PKs in the Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord. One bastard named Werda ran up to me and said, "Thy armor makes ye look most manly! ~snicker~, I want it! *TILTOWAIT* !!! ". After being light on fire from the thermo-nuclear explosion I attemped to slay him with my wand, The Cane Corpus, but he said the magical words "Kal Ort Por" and disappeared. Just as he faded out, he said "PS: Trebor Sucks!". I still don't know what that means...
All in all though, I can live with the PKs with armor like that. Even the Dark elves of Marrowind appreciate the craftsmenship.  Lord Wood himself spoke of my Manliness and send me on a quest to retrieve the 7 peices of the Destiny Wand to defeate the Demi-God "Tarjan". I did suceed, but the Mega-Dragon teamed up with the Dark Savant and killed my faithful hirelings Iolo and Shamino. Man, I pretty pissed off, but I found a new group of adventured in Thornberry playing a irritaing gambling game called Flip-Flop. After Drittz and Dragonbait joined my quest things seemed much easier... We even slayed the Beast of 1000 eyes in only a slight scuffle.
Later our journeys took us to Phlan and to the the forest know as "The Elder Grove". Many beasties did we fight! Cuisinarts, Bandi-Phoots, Blast Dragons, Creeping Coins, Brass Dragon-God, Power Liches, Balrons, and even Minons of Malangar. The rewards are trivial compaired my armor however. 49 magic candles? Obsidian Armor? Diamond Swords?  Bah! Junk compaired to my Godly Armor of the Whale! Nothing compairs to that!
Ah, I babble. So is Godly plate going in UO2?


OK, I've been patient. I've been reasonable. I've even been ...understanding.

But it's been over a week now, and I'd like to play UO, please.

Ever since ***THE PATCH***, my connection to UO has been somewhere south of nowhere. Step... step... thirty seconds of lag, followed by "Connection Lost". Needless to say, this makes it somewhat difficult to play. Especially when others are apparently unaffected by this lag. It's almost funny, hanging around the Brit crossroads on Siege, watching everyone else's position via stop-motion photography. Until, of course, I die.

I don't know what causes this. I have ideas. Apparently part of the wonderous bundle of joy that we call ***THE PATCH*** has introduced more client-server traffic. Um, this is bad, mmmkay? I mean, at some point in coding all those wonderful UOAriffic features into the client, someone should have piped up and said "Uh, guys, not everyone is connected to the servers via a direct Ethernet connection." 

What's really peachy about ***THE PATCH*** is that it doesn't affect everyone. Some folks, mostly on high speed connections, report no problems at all. Some folks report mild irritations and the occasional disconnect.

And some folks - like me - well, let's just say I'm glad Final Fantasy 8 came out when it did, because otherwise I might have to read a book or go outside or something.

Others blame Globalcenter. Globalcenter is the UO tar baby... when someone's house is broken into, 9 times out of 10 someone somewhere will blame Globalcenter. Apparently, to use common ISP insider parlance, "they suck, dude". I don't know if that's the problem or not.

I don't care. I just wanna play. I've been REALLY patient... but now I'm pissed. And I'm fighting back, in that special fruity-yet-masculine way that only I can.

That's right. In a very special episode of net.terrorism, until I can play UO again, every day I will be posting snapshots from everyone's favorite decade, the Eighties. If I can't play UO, dammit, I'm going to make you remember the decade when I was able to get drunk and get laid on something approaching a regular basis.


Kick it!

All right STOP
Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a brand new invention

Vanilla Ice was the ultimate personification of the hardcore rapper. Millions around the world dropped everything to be like him. Word to yo mutha.


Friday, September 10, 1999 Bitch at Lum


This was posted to our gimped message board topic on sig graphics. I had to post it here on the front page. I was compelled to. You'll understand why. (Note that the >_< =^.^= etc are Japanese versions of :) smileys. The Japanese even do smileys better. It scares me.)

picture name is VERY important for messages... !! they tell many that person is of PERSONALITY and INTREST

i think delusion is very impolite >_<

who are you without picture name??? hello??? are you listen??? i see no one........

people like you are making very hate of game... why involve???? you make hate, little but some >_< go away

when read and look my post you are curious ask "is she pretty????? is she love animals???" YES !!! ^^ you can view easy.. !!

picture name shows DEEP HEART and that you have LOVE and share.. bandwidth???? NOT AN ISSUE deal with SHARING. hehe okok... but..

not issue for many because sharing is above time, which there is many


.... so end with VERY ONE!!! made with friend =^.^=

UO is -=\\LOVE//=-



Just got this in...

Go easy on Brimstone, it was nice of him to make a sig for me.  I think you're just jealous.  Well, okay, so I don't, but I figured I'd stick up for him. ;)


Received this comment on the anti-harvesting measures:

It's not that you can map the spawn down to the /loc.   It's problems other then that seem to be causing this new "policy change"
The fact is it's not aimed at camping but at "Higher Level" players camping outside of thier "pre-built zones."  It's another case of Verant saying "you will play our way, or no way at all.  It's our world afterall."
Verant should look at itself for the blame for the level of high level players camping low level spawns.  It's a chain reaction they started.
Timeline :
  1. Plane of Fear (POF) Opens.
  2. High Level players flood POF and start to have fun.  (although it's a *tad* monty haulish)
  3. POF is rebalanced to the point of being impossible.  Large portion of the higher level playerbase quits.
  4. Bored high levels start twinking low level characters since they have nothing to look forward to.
  5. Without POF High Levels have a *large* choice of dungeons to fight in.... Guk B or Sol B.
  6. Both zones become overcrowded as more people get to higher levels every day (it's pretty much inevitable if you keep playing).
  7. This causes more boredom amoung the high level players and even more twinking (bringing a need for some lower level camping to get the items to twink with)
  8. Low level players become upset over the higher level players taking over their spawns (even though higher levels have little else to do)
  9. Verant chooses to address this issue not by expanding high level zones and taking the higher levels out of the low levels zones by attracting them elsewhere but instead threatening to ban those who choose not to play the game the way it has been decreed.


Yes, I changed the website format around again. Deal. The idea here is to load quickly with a minimum of fuss. Away with ye, stunt HTML!


Got this email:

Hiya, love the site. Now that the customary amount of viewer/webmaster butt-kissing has been exchanged...

Some folks over the past few days have been confused by a sudden, relatively jarring, addition to the Laws of the Land concerning camping at spawn points, starting with a GM enforcing afore mentioned rules *before anyone ever told people what the new rule was*, or even a listing of the change anywhere (God forbid the offical site).

24 hours and a few cryptic, scattered postings later, finally we get a clear response from Brad.

He confirmed the new rules ("Yield rule", as some have called it), but also confirmed it hasn't been offically announced or endorsed yet. Seems a certain Guide or GM started jumping the gun and having their own noose parties.

Now the law enforcement arm of Verant is in a sudden backpeddle, absolutely avoiding enforcing anything of this nature untill the brain-section tell them it's ok. I love this game...


And, from Brad McQuaid on as reported on numerous EQ news sites:

GMs are now warning High level people (40+) that are camping for Jboots, that they are exploiting. The camp is for lower levels and if multiple groups of people are all seeking the Jboots and the High levels are takeing all the kills, they will be warned, and banned. Also If you argue with a GM on any thing, they will quickly give you a warning and mark your account record. If you get three such warnings you will be banned for 7 Days.

The public should be aware that there is a Huge (although it seems a bit harsh) crack down on any warning.

There is no discussion, no reprise. Your banned and locked out of account. They also do not refund your money for the banned period.

This is true.

We are implementing a new policy.

If a higher level player who would get no exp for the kill is camping a spawn, and a group of players that would get exp (meaning they should be there) wants to fight there, the higher level player must yield. The lower level group has the right of way.

This happens thousands of times each day. Check any named mob and you'll see a high level person there camping. They're everywhere. What, are you going to ban everybody? No, I think not. This doesn't solve anything. The farming will continue. Even if you do try to enforce this, named mobs are camped 24/7 practicly, whether the mob gives exp or not so you're telling any high levelers who just want to get an item to use (not farm) to fuck off and buy it. That'll make your customers happy. And besides GMs usually take an hour or two to answer a petition (if they answer at all) and by then it's too late.

Yes, I am telling high levelers who are camping a mob that is too easy for them AND interfering with those who belong there who want the item to move on and buy/trade for it, or to come back when a properly leveled group is not there. And while it may make some bottom feeders unhappy, I strongly believe it will make many more adventurers happy.

I understand that GMs often cannot help right away, and that this new rule will is not some wonderful sweeping solution. But I think it will help and is worth doing.

I need to clarify some additional things about this new rule.

First, we didn't officially announce it yet. Apparently, there was some confusion and a guide or GM enforced it or talked about it, and hence there was a post on EQVault about it. I've confirmed this and explained the details because I didn't want any false or half-truths floating about. An official posting will be made soon, and will be updated.

Second, there will probably be an exception made for no drop/trade/lore type items which could not be traded for or bought by a higher level player.

In any case, the Yield rule is coming, but don't expect it to be actively enforced until we officially announce it.

How do you "inactively enforce" a rule? Stare sternly at the evildoers?

Of course, camping wouldn't exist if NPC spawn in EQ wasn't able to be plotted to the /LOC point. But that would take effort. Better to just punish people. While you're at it, are all those folks in rubicite going to have it taken away from them?

Further reports from the Land of Norrath as those who are still there check in.


Brimstone writes in:

Before I say anything, I love your site. I love the content, the bitching and moaning, the cut and dry stance you take on issues, and so much more. With that said... how DARE you make fun of that signature that Sunsword is showing off! I am the artist, and make logos for 'geeky UO players who like having a signature for forums'. So, as much as I love you, man... EAT SHIT!!

See, I feel much better now. (I know, I just opened myself up to a can of lum-whoop-ass)

Glad I could help.


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All original copyright © 1999 Lum the Mad Corporation. Investors are invited to watch for our IPO. Trademarked content on this site owned by its original trademark owners. Stuff I made up still is mine. What's yours is mine. What's mine is mine. In 1999. Hunh. WAR! What is it good for? Absolutely NUTHIN. (Say it again!)